I choose to love you in silence;
For in my silence... I find no rejection.
And in my silence... I find no cold receptions.
In silence, no harsh words are spoken,
No fragile hearts left unbroken.
In my silence... I see only your perfection.
I choose to love you from a distance;
For in distance... there is no pain.
From a distance... I do not feel the rain.
In distance, there are no tears to cry,
There is no need for lies.
From a distance... my love will always remain.
I choose to love you in silence;
Though there are no gains.
In this heart my love will stay,
'Til forever and a day...
Forever chained...
Forever unclaimed...
by J. Espinosa
Go Away....
these past few days have been morbid for me... super morbid... i jus dun feel good, physically n emotionally... dunno why...
1. my fren ask me to go bugis for shopping on sat, i decline..
2. on sun, my fren ask go supper n jus hangout, i decline again..
3. my frens say i was way too quiet on my way to work on monday
4. i went back straight after work, for the past few days...
5. my colleague ask go lunch after work, i decline again
6. i spend my time watching tv or jus play games on my laptop
7. i ignore those ppl who say hi to me in msn
8. i dig up all those old vcd/dvd i hv n watched them
9. i almost bumped wif an L plate car...
10. i reali dun feel like to meet up wif close ones this coming wed @ nana's plc
sumting is bothering me.. i noe theres something... n i think i noe wat it is..
i jus cant express it out i guess... maybe its a withdrawal syndrome...
where i felt nobody understands, n the enemy is always out there...
p.s : i really need to get near the ocean.. at least it calms me down...
1. my fren ask me to go bugis for shopping on sat, i decline..
2. on sun, my fren ask go supper n jus hangout, i decline again..
3. my frens say i was way too quiet on my way to work on monday
4. i went back straight after work, for the past few days...
5. my colleague ask go lunch after work, i decline again
6. i spend my time watching tv or jus play games on my laptop
7. i ignore those ppl who say hi to me in msn
8. i dig up all those old vcd/dvd i hv n watched them
9. i almost bumped wif an L plate car...
10. i reali dun feel like to meet up wif close ones this coming wed @ nana's plc
sumting is bothering me.. i noe theres something... n i think i noe wat it is..
i jus cant express it out i guess... maybe its a withdrawal syndrome...
where i felt nobody understands, n the enemy is always out there...
p.s : i really need to get near the ocean.. at least it calms me down...
Confessions....
How do you confess
Everything hidden within?
All the times when you feel low
And you could not lean on someone's shoulder
When you knew your friends were right
Yet you cant admit you make a blunder
When you were overcome by what you felt
And could not bring yourself to tell someone
All the times someone said 'i love you'
Yet you cant proclaim 'you are the one'
When you thought you were happy
But you realize that something is amiss
When you see that someone with another
All you did is mumble 'bless you wif bliss'
So how do you confess?
Everything hidden within?
Everything hidden within?
All the times when you feel low
And you could not lean on someone's shoulder
When you knew your friends were right
Yet you cant admit you make a blunder
When you were overcome by what you felt
And could not bring yourself to tell someone
All the times someone said 'i love you'
Yet you cant proclaim 'you are the one'
When you thought you were happy
But you realize that something is amiss
When you see that someone with another
All you did is mumble 'bless you wif bliss'
So how do you confess?
Everything hidden within?
Love..? What Is Love....?
is it....
to make the other person happy, jus by being there?
to be there for the person through thick n thin?
to be honest n true to the feelings towards the person?
to hold the person's hand in times of insecurities?
to share laughter and weep together?
to wait patiently no matter how long it takes?
if love is all of the above.. then, i love you.. yes, i do....
But, my dear, love doesnt work one way...
I can only make 2 steps forward and held out my hand...
Its ur choice to make that 1 step forward and reached out for mine...
to make the other person happy, jus by being there?
to be there for the person through thick n thin?
to be honest n true to the feelings towards the person?
to hold the person's hand in times of insecurities?
to share laughter and weep together?
to wait patiently no matter how long it takes?
if love is all of the above.. then, i love you.. yes, i do....
But, my dear, love doesnt work one way...
I can only make 2 steps forward and held out my hand...
Its ur choice to make that 1 step forward and reached out for mine...
In Pain...
eversince im back from a short rendezvous, i feel a lil pain on my back...
i tot that mayb i over-exert myself... or mayb of the long bus ride...
or mayb im not used to the sleeping condition at the hotel...
but then, the pain doesnt go away...
n now i cant reali turn to my left... n bending down to get sumthing is worse...
i wish the pain will go away... pls...
i dun wana b in that horrid hospital again...
i tot that mayb i over-exert myself... or mayb of the long bus ride...
or mayb im not used to the sleeping condition at the hotel...
but then, the pain doesnt go away...
n now i cant reali turn to my left... n bending down to get sumthing is worse...
i wish the pain will go away... pls...
i dun wana b in that horrid hospital again...
Going.... going.... gone~
sumtimes, things that u tot is within ur reach...
can jus be blown away, without u realising....
bummer~
can jus be blown away, without u realising....
bummer~
X'Cuse Me, How Pricey Are You?
2008 being the wedding year for most of my frens, so no matter how i wanna avoid the topic, it always come back to that... whos the caterer, which bridal, card designs, the deco n dais.. etc.... n as i listen to these stories, wat intrigued me the most is the 'hantaran' money...
i mean how do we actualy determine the hantaran money wif the gal? n are all gals have same kind of value or diff... n if it is diff, how do we gauge them? most will say 'follow the market price'.. which according to them is around 7k - 10k... i didnt noe that we gals are being similarised wif fishes in the market... or sacks of rice... n if we are being similarised, will the value drop eventually? bcos wat i see is it keep on rising n i dun realy see a dip at all... if thats the case i pity those getting married in the nxt 10 yrs where hantaran money will be much much more than COE of a car...
the qs is, wat if the hantaran money is not within the market price? if its less, does that mean the gal is a cheapo kind of gal? or the guy jus cant live up to standard? if its more, does that mean that its too much to value a gal? usually, ppl will give around the market range that they have estimated... although some will give something like 7777... or 8118.. which to the couple may hv deep meaning... and which still is the market level, according to them...
for now, most of the hantaran money i heard is around the market level.... theres some rare occasion where its far above the level... mind you, its not 1k-2k above the market level...its sumtimes twice the market rate... ppl will then say well, theres some wif 30k, 50k bla bla bla... but those are celebrities, or some magnate or billionaires... ppl wif money to throw at parties... but the ones that i noe is jus for normal average gals... so wats so ex abt them? do the gals hv special powers? can they fly around anywhere in the world? or they can make every bill disappear? and make money roll out of your wallet endlessly? i mean, i noe its not my bloody business, but i jus feel 'not right'.. money makes the world go round, yes, but not over humans...
on a lighter note, theres this phrase that ive heard often : 'takkan nk jual anak, mak cik oi...'
n yea, if u r ever caught in that situation, make sure she is a virgin in every little part of her.. ;)
i mean how do we actualy determine the hantaran money wif the gal? n are all gals have same kind of value or diff... n if it is diff, how do we gauge them? most will say 'follow the market price'.. which according to them is around 7k - 10k... i didnt noe that we gals are being similarised wif fishes in the market... or sacks of rice... n if we are being similarised, will the value drop eventually? bcos wat i see is it keep on rising n i dun realy see a dip at all... if thats the case i pity those getting married in the nxt 10 yrs where hantaran money will be much much more than COE of a car...
the qs is, wat if the hantaran money is not within the market price? if its less, does that mean the gal is a cheapo kind of gal? or the guy jus cant live up to standard? if its more, does that mean that its too much to value a gal? usually, ppl will give around the market range that they have estimated... although some will give something like 7777... or 8118.. which to the couple may hv deep meaning... and which still is the market level, according to them...
for now, most of the hantaran money i heard is around the market level.... theres some rare occasion where its far above the level... mind you, its not 1k-2k above the market level...its sumtimes twice the market rate... ppl will then say well, theres some wif 30k, 50k bla bla bla... but those are celebrities, or some magnate or billionaires... ppl wif money to throw at parties... but the ones that i noe is jus for normal average gals... so wats so ex abt them? do the gals hv special powers? can they fly around anywhere in the world? or they can make every bill disappear? and make money roll out of your wallet endlessly? i mean, i noe its not my bloody business, but i jus feel 'not right'.. money makes the world go round, yes, but not over humans...
on a lighter note, theres this phrase that ive heard often : 'takkan nk jual anak, mak cik oi...'
n yea, if u r ever caught in that situation, make sure she is a virgin in every little part of her.. ;)
Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend...
i was in a meeting last week... my colleague, az, suddenly commented on my ring... she pointed out that i shouldnt wear my diamond ring on my ring finger on the left... it can send a wrong message to guys out there that im attached, engaged or even married... n wif that, she conclude that i will miss wateva chances i may hv...
i brushed it off of cos... i mean, wats the big deal... anyway, aza starts to agree... n they start to go on n on... they told me to slip it on my index finger instead... i was like, wat the hell... so i make a bored face n ignored, totally... syaz start to 'nag' too... i was like, wats the odd of ppl commenting n assuming on it anyway....
yesterday, kumar (a colleague who i went to a course wif) noticed my ring... n he say, 'wah, i didnt noe u were engaged'. i was like '???'... jun was already sniggering... az's face smirking keep flashing in my mind... slowly, i took it off n slip it on my index finger...
on another thought, diamond is a girl's best fren...
n i m a girl... n its my bloody diamond...
its up to me which fuckin' finger i wanna slip my diamond on...
i brushed it off of cos... i mean, wats the big deal... anyway, aza starts to agree... n they start to go on n on... they told me to slip it on my index finger instead... i was like, wat the hell... so i make a bored face n ignored, totally... syaz start to 'nag' too... i was like, wats the odd of ppl commenting n assuming on it anyway....
yesterday, kumar (a colleague who i went to a course wif) noticed my ring... n he say, 'wah, i didnt noe u were engaged'. i was like '???'... jun was already sniggering... az's face smirking keep flashing in my mind... slowly, i took it off n slip it on my index finger...
on another thought, diamond is a girl's best fren...
n i m a girl... n its my bloody diamond...
its up to me which fuckin' finger i wanna slip my diamond on...
Dumped For Another Guy...
heres a story which i had heard most recently... a girl friend was crying, as she relates on how she got dumped... the worst part is she got dumped for another guy... apparently, she had known the guy for quite long time, nvr ever suspect anything... the guy do hv frens, girls, guys, n faggots... of cos i assume almost evryone of us do... but its a shocking thing for her when she spotted him behaving intimately wif one of his guy fren... the guy try to explain, which is a lame one... "i like you, i really do... i really wanna get married to you... but, i cant let go of him, i like him too... he's nice..."
it sets me thinking... do ppl really do that... i mean, like both sexes... n if they do, how do they make a decision on which one they gonna live wif? because as far as polygamy goes, i dun think it involves a girl sharing a hubby wif a faggot... in my fren's situation, obviously the guy has had double lives... so does that mean he try to be normal in front of ppl including his family, yet in another world he secretly likes men? so it seems my frend become his pillar... his kind of protection... dat he is willing to be married to my fren so ppl would not think theres sumting wrong up in his head...
its not that im against faggots n butches (is that how they spelled it?)... i do hv frens who belong to dat category... jus that be truthful to yourself... if u r a faggot, jus admit, show it... even if ppl dissed u, well, u choose that kinda life, so be more thick-skinned then... dun hv to pretend n in the end broke someone's heart...
n i tot being dumped for another girl is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship....
it sets me thinking... do ppl really do that... i mean, like both sexes... n if they do, how do they make a decision on which one they gonna live wif? because as far as polygamy goes, i dun think it involves a girl sharing a hubby wif a faggot... in my fren's situation, obviously the guy has had double lives... so does that mean he try to be normal in front of ppl including his family, yet in another world he secretly likes men? so it seems my frend become his pillar... his kind of protection... dat he is willing to be married to my fren so ppl would not think theres sumting wrong up in his head...
its not that im against faggots n butches (is that how they spelled it?)... i do hv frens who belong to dat category... jus that be truthful to yourself... if u r a faggot, jus admit, show it... even if ppl dissed u, well, u choose that kinda life, so be more thick-skinned then... dun hv to pretend n in the end broke someone's heart...
n i tot being dumped for another girl is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship....
