THEN :
"if a guy friend of urs teman you keluar raya with you and your frens, meet up with your cousins, meet up with ur sisters... do you tink a normal fren would do that?"
so u would want me to assume that we are not jus normal frens.. in one way we are special... n for that, hope is built, though small, its actually suffice for the moment...
NOW :
"a conclusion I have made.. I want you to be happy.. may you find someone better in life.. its time to let go"
and shortly abt 2 mths, theres no more special.. not even normal.. cos its about letting go... and wif that i think i will jus fade.. wif the small hope that ive weakly grasp.. n thinking how fickle you can be...
ps : for you.. how easy it is to grow attached to sumone.. but its even easier to let it fall apart... you have said that you are happy wif ur decision.. so be it then.. so be it... cos the rest doesnt really matter...
Its Already Twice In A Row...
during this time of the year.. something always affect my health...
last year, in the wee hours of the morning, i was whisked off to the hospital... my backache was acting up again n its unbearable... although i was not warded (luckily), i spent almost 8 hrs at the A&E...
same as this year, i hv lil red dots on my hands n feet... a visit to the doc confirmed its suspected chicken pox... hv to monitor these few days to see if it spreads... n its so itchiable that i cannot tahan and always hv this huge urge to scratch... uugghhhh..!!
last year, in the wee hours of the morning, i was whisked off to the hospital... my backache was acting up again n its unbearable... although i was not warded (luckily), i spent almost 8 hrs at the A&E...
same as this year, i hv lil red dots on my hands n feet... a visit to the doc confirmed its suspected chicken pox... hv to monitor these few days to see if it spreads... n its so itchiable that i cannot tahan and always hv this huge urge to scratch... uugghhhh..!!
And It Linger...
This entry is for you... yes, you...
The Dating Game :
when you are sitting at that hut.. n dats where you noticed me.. but i didnt realy know you.. n from then i see you... all the time... during school, after school, in the reflections of those glasses at shops.. i even had ur lil signature in my english book cos you borrow it once... n i still remember my fren nudge me when she caught me staring at it, saying "dun hv the heart to erase it, i guess"... the lil gifts like the chocolates, the colourful journal which i still hv till today... n the letter with ur face drawn on it... i remember u addressing me as 'ina' dat tyme, cos thats what was printed on my 'moschino' bag... i also remember the time when you feel so lonely for ur bday, that i accompany u around town, and u slip ur hand in my back pocket, trying to imitate a guy in front of us.. and the card that i gave you, the one about not showering... and how we love to go bt timah, especially to that small apek shop that sells ur video games...
The Long Bittersweet Journey :
the 1st tyme we held hands and saw our shadows, u were so excited... the waiting under the void deck just to walk into school together... then the waiting at the barber shop just to go home together... the endless bus rides... the 1st tyme we watch a movie at cathay.. it was jumanji, n how u laugh when i jumped at the lion scene... the time when we threw cakes at each other during teachers' day... the one where i faked a breakup for april's fool, and i cant stand how solemn u look n finally i confess that im jus goofing around... the arguing.. where we talk to a third person, jus to get back at each other... the fugees song... n how i love cranberries, and u adore kurt cobain... the 1st kiss is when i close ur eyes n gave a peck on ur lips... the sulking moments... where we meet other people but always end up finding each other.. where you thought u lost me after i move house, and how u find me online n insisted i called you cos u dun hv my new no... n u cry, yes u did, cos u feel lost... n once, i threw tantrum, cos u dun seem to care, and i get all my things back n throw them away, and you get them back from the bin itself...
The Aftermath :
and we drift apart... constantly arguing, at teeny weeny stuff... we become rude at each other, spitting words that hurt... and after a bit of ping-pong here n there, we kinda decide we shall go wif other ppl.. and thats where it all ends... we hug no more, kiss n make up no more... but we remain frens, keeping whatever we hv left alive between us... though we do disagree abt some things, i guess its manageable... n once a while we meet, call each other, talk and joke around... and really thats nice... cos i noe whatever i tell you, it wont be a judgemental issue...
whatever was written above is only a quarter of what you n i shared those years... a blog entry wont be sufficient to pen down the memories we created... n in less than 48 hours, you would be leading a different life.. a life that you choose wif ur other half... n me, as a fren, wish u all the best... and im sincerely happy for you... i know things will be diff.. very diff... n no matter how u say we will nvr be apart as frens.. i noe better... cos in the end, we lead diff lives wif diff goals... n the bond we held so close between us will break as time passed by... nevertheless, jus remember that once you knew a girl, just a normal plain girl, and grew up wif that girl, exploring life wif fond memories...
happy valentine's day, my one n only ijal...
sincerely signing off... mazzter...
The Dating Game :
when you are sitting at that hut.. n dats where you noticed me.. but i didnt realy know you.. n from then i see you... all the time... during school, after school, in the reflections of those glasses at shops.. i even had ur lil signature in my english book cos you borrow it once... n i still remember my fren nudge me when she caught me staring at it, saying "dun hv the heart to erase it, i guess"... the lil gifts like the chocolates, the colourful journal which i still hv till today... n the letter with ur face drawn on it... i remember u addressing me as 'ina' dat tyme, cos thats what was printed on my 'moschino' bag... i also remember the time when you feel so lonely for ur bday, that i accompany u around town, and u slip ur hand in my back pocket, trying to imitate a guy in front of us.. and the card that i gave you, the one about not showering... and how we love to go bt timah, especially to that small apek shop that sells ur video games...
The Long Bittersweet Journey :
the 1st tyme we held hands and saw our shadows, u were so excited... the waiting under the void deck just to walk into school together... then the waiting at the barber shop just to go home together... the endless bus rides... the 1st tyme we watch a movie at cathay.. it was jumanji, n how u laugh when i jumped at the lion scene... the time when we threw cakes at each other during teachers' day... the one where i faked a breakup for april's fool, and i cant stand how solemn u look n finally i confess that im jus goofing around... the arguing.. where we talk to a third person, jus to get back at each other... the fugees song... n how i love cranberries, and u adore kurt cobain... the 1st kiss is when i close ur eyes n gave a peck on ur lips... the sulking moments... where we meet other people but always end up finding each other.. where you thought u lost me after i move house, and how u find me online n insisted i called you cos u dun hv my new no... n u cry, yes u did, cos u feel lost... n once, i threw tantrum, cos u dun seem to care, and i get all my things back n throw them away, and you get them back from the bin itself...
The Aftermath :
and we drift apart... constantly arguing, at teeny weeny stuff... we become rude at each other, spitting words that hurt... and after a bit of ping-pong here n there, we kinda decide we shall go wif other ppl.. and thats where it all ends... we hug no more, kiss n make up no more... but we remain frens, keeping whatever we hv left alive between us... though we do disagree abt some things, i guess its manageable... n once a while we meet, call each other, talk and joke around... and really thats nice... cos i noe whatever i tell you, it wont be a judgemental issue...
whatever was written above is only a quarter of what you n i shared those years... a blog entry wont be sufficient to pen down the memories we created... n in less than 48 hours, you would be leading a different life.. a life that you choose wif ur other half... n me, as a fren, wish u all the best... and im sincerely happy for you... i know things will be diff.. very diff... n no matter how u say we will nvr be apart as frens.. i noe better... cos in the end, we lead diff lives wif diff goals... n the bond we held so close between us will break as time passed by... nevertheless, jus remember that once you knew a girl, just a normal plain girl, and grew up wif that girl, exploring life wif fond memories...
happy valentine's day, my one n only ijal...
sincerely signing off... mazzter...
Here's The List...
in exactly a month's time, i will be celebrating my bday... the last year that i will be celebrating my age which has a '2' in front... gosh, how time flies... but even then, i still lurve surprises, good surprises... and in case u didnt noe how to surprise me, i can guide you thru the things that i want below... (in order of importance)
psst, but if u hv other things in mind, its ok for me... rezki tk bagus ditolak, beb! :P
1. HTC Touch Diamond stylus (ive lost mine)
2. Twilight book series by Stephenie Meyer (had read all 4, but would like to own them)
3. UMPC / Tablet PC (need to hv the lighter weight to carry around)
4. Spa & Massage treat (i need to refresh myself)
5. HKS exhaust / BC coilover (for my shayang Fifie)
6. flat shoes / wedge (run out of them for school)
7. Kate Spade bags (especially wristlet or beg campak2)
lastly, dun forget pray for my health, my happiness and my good fortune... thank you..! :)
psst, but if u hv other things in mind, its ok for me... rezki tk bagus ditolak, beb! :P
1. HTC Touch Diamond stylus (ive lost mine)
2. Twilight book series by Stephenie Meyer (had read all 4, but would like to own them)
3. UMPC / Tablet PC (need to hv the lighter weight to carry around)
4. Spa & Massage treat (i need to refresh myself)
5. HKS exhaust / BC coilover (for my shayang Fifie)
6. flat shoes / wedge (run out of them for school)
7. Kate Spade bags (especially wristlet or beg campak2)
lastly, dun forget pray for my health, my happiness and my good fortune... thank you..! :)
Whirlwind...
its been one hell of a ride these few weeks..
im busy wif school, frens and what-nots..
lots of things happened.. some not worth mentioning.. n some purely joyful...
but it left me confused in the end..
and i repeatedly ask myself the same ol' question that ive been asking myself..
what do i really want...? do i feel contented with whats in front of me now?
do i go n fight for what i feel i want?
or do i jus float by my life lifelessly...?
cos either way, i dun think it will go that well...
im busy wif school, frens and what-nots..
lots of things happened.. some not worth mentioning.. n some purely joyful...
but it left me confused in the end..
and i repeatedly ask myself the same ol' question that ive been asking myself..
what do i really want...? do i feel contented with whats in front of me now?
do i go n fight for what i feel i want?
or do i jus float by my life lifelessly...?
cos either way, i dun think it will go that well...
