Its Jus Plain Dreaming...

how can u say that i can always open up and talk to u..
when more than half the time u are not there..

how can u say "what if he tells you lets get married"..
when u dun even ask me to go for a single date..

how can u just show ur care and feelings wif ur actions..
when u dun even hv the guts to say it right in front of my face..

how can u say u like my tolerance level..
when i ever walk out from you before cos i cant stand the tension between us...

and, yup, its true when u say im the gal of ur dreams...
cos in reality, i realize that im not...

Have I Or Have I Not....

was hearing this song on my laptop...
suddenly my whole life jus breeze thru my mind...
and i realized, "what the fcuk have i been doing siaaa..."
and i feel like i am where i am years back..
like ive not move on at all... n it really feels damn shitty...



p.s : i jus want to feel complete...

Its Better Not Knowing...

sumtimes, in a game of truth or dare, we are obliged to tell things that we are not supposed to..
to reveal stuff that are precious to us.. that we hold on to dearly...

i, too, get caught in this silly game.. and the result? i gave away feelings that im supposed to keep to myself.. i am afterall, an introvert... i dun really share my deepest feelings.... and if anyone should hv ask abt it, it may take a long while to scrape it out of my heart...

p.s : mana nk taruk muka aku ni.... haizzz...

It's Hard...

have you ever feel like you know that sumone... but u dun really noe him?
or have you ever feel like you so close with that sumone, yet you cant reach out to him?

i feel dat way, n i tell you.. sumtimes it jus dun feel dat good...
its so near, yet so far...


p.s : merry christmas to all.. ho ho ho... ive yet to go for my snow-fun experience this year... wanna join?

You Just Dont Get It, Do You...

how can i put across how i feel, and what i think of it, to you...
days gone by, and it seems like you think there is something ahead for us...
there may be for you.. but not me...

how can i make you understand that it can never be...
i dun wan you to feel as if im leading you on...
but sriusly, i dunno how else i wanna convey the message across...
ive said it once.. and i find it uncomfortable to say it twice...

Oooppsss...!

I did it again....

Dat's Life...

we all know that in life, we cant get everything we wished for...
but ppl, like me, still wish and wish and wish...
hoping that one day, the wish is granted...

and if it doesnt... well, lets just settle for the second best, shall we?


p.s : yes, i dun like that term or phrase or wateva u call it... but i jus hv to live it wit, i guess...

humming to the tune...
termenung bila sendirian.. menggunung seribu harapan
tak mampu ku melupakan.. walau kian kehilangan....

Lost... And I'm Tired Of It...

how i feel right now? in general?
well, i feel tired... tired of being lost...
i dunno where im heading, where im going...
i dunno what to expect.. and really, its sucks when i dun hv a single clue abt it...

im tired too, of this routine life.. that sumtimes the idea of running away always seems very tempting...
n im tired of waiting.. yes, waiting...
waiting for stuff that i dun even noe if they gonna happen...
waiting for THAT day... THAT time.. THAT moment...

im sorry, but waiting for nothing jus aint gonna work...
if you think that theres sumting worth waiting for, tell me then...
if not, farewell to you... im all packed up and heading for the door...

How Could You...

it came as a sudden thing... cant sleep so i browse around.. blog-hopping, online shopping bla bla bla... n i dunno how i get there, but i did.. i came to a site... a customiseable site... where i see all his pics edited and plastered all across the site... his pics that most of it i recognise, cos im the one who captured it... the site is full of him, and her...

and jus as sudden as the clicking thing happen, i felt sharp pain.. in my heart... n tears started streaming... n its still streaming as i wrote this...

its not because i still hv sumting for him.. not becos my feelings are still there.. if given a choice right now, im doing the right thing... i dun wish to be his anymore...

its been more than a year... and i still cant get over the fact on how he spun his web of lies... how i felt so bloody stupid even when im the one whos suppose to be good at thinking thru things... i sumhow blame myself, for being so naive.. n so gullible... but how could anyone be so heartless... how could anyone stab sumone so hard that it pierce right thru, but still felt nuthing for it...

i need a shoulder to lean on right now... n i realy need a hug... pls...

Are We Just A Pretense?

here's a story i know about a gal n a guy years back...

they were in the same high school. they start to hang out together. and as time goes by, they hang out more often, liking each other's company. it seems they were inseparable. people see them as THE couple. she was happy. they would go for movie dates, hold hands strolling on a beach, hug each other good nights...

then, one day, evrything stop. the guy seems to avoid the gal, in any way. the gal, still have feelings for the guy, was conjuring up lots of reasons why the guy may hv behave this way. at last, she caught the guy, one day, near the study bench, where they used to sit and whisper sweet-nothings. staring at his eyes, she begged for an answer. an answer to why they drifted apart. was it because he didnt love her anymore? did he want a break up?

and with a cold hard stare, he replied, "break up? since when am i ur boifren anyway? ive never say 'i love you', n i nvr declared that we are in a relationship n nvr had i seen you as my galfren. pls, get a life."

and with that, the gal jus crumbled, along wif her hopes and happiness...

i dun wanna end up like the gal, having blissful moments only to see them crashing down hard. i make a promise to myself that till a guy openly declare his feelings to me, i will nvr take his actions seriusly. will rather brush it off as him being friendly than having to nurse my broken heart when its not what i perceive it to be. enuff said.

Is It Okay...?

is it okay if i secretly wished and openly prayed that that sumone wont last long wif another person and break off their commitment, so that i can come back to that sumone, but in the meantime, i went out with another sumone, jus to pass the time...?

cos it seems, if what i secretly wished and openly prayed for really come true, i actually hurt 2 different ppl along the way...

so is that a great sacrifice to make just to get what i want and be truly happy? what about my conscience then? does that count?

Cair beb....!

if only i can play the guitar n sing like that...
if only sumone dedicate n sing like dat to me... cairrrr beb!

psst : before you click play, pause the song kat tepi tuuuu ---------------->

A Much Avoided Conversation...

fren : so... would you like.. be wif him.. if lets say.. he say he still like you?

her : ........

fren : u noe, if he still like you, will you get back wif him?

her : ........

fren : what if he want to get married to you? will you marry him?

her : dats impossible.. coming from him...